Twelve minutes in a Trader Joe’s parking lot. Engine off, climate control off, phone dark on the passenger seat. I was drafting a monologue. The monologue was for my friend Helen, who at brunch the previous Sunday had said, “Oh, you’re still doing that?” in a tone I have been unable to stop replaying since. […]
Category: Blog
Why You Should Be Suspicious of Any Advice That Fits on a Mug
I have a complicated relationship with my kitchen mug. It’s a sturdy, cream-colored ceramic number, the kind you get from a well-meaning relative who heard you were “going through something” and decided a vessel for hot liquids could double as a life coach. In a looping, faux-handwritten font, it declares: “Live, Laugh, Love.” Every morning, […]
Why I Keep Buying Notebooks for a Better Version of Myself Who Does Not Exist
I have a drawer in my desk that contains nine notebooks. Three are Moleskines—two ruled, one blank—bought at different points over the last four years, each with the specific intention of starting a morning writing practice. One is a Leuchtturm1917 I picked up because someone whose podcast I half-listened to mentioned bullet journaling, and I […]
I Thought I Was Setting Boundaries. Turns Out I Was Just Building a Moat.
I used to think I was the queen of boundaries. I had a mental list, all polished and ready to go. I’d read the books, nodded along sagely when Brené Brown talked about choosing discomfort over resentment, and listened to the podcasts on double speed like a woman on a mission. I was ready. I […]
The Difference Between Setting Boundaries and Building Walls (And How I Learned It the Hard Way)
I used to think I was the Queen of Boundaries. I had the books, the affirmations, the carefully crafted text messages that started with “I’m so flattered you thought of me, but…” I could turn down a dinner invite with the unshakable confidence of a woman already wearing her softest sweatpants. In my head, I […]
The Great Wall of Jo: How I Learned I Was Building Fortresses Instead of Fences
I have this recurring fantasy. Someone asks me to do a thing I really, truly do not want to do. Maybe a distant acquaintance wants to “pick my brain” for three hours on a Tuesday, or a family member volunteers me to bake four dozen gluten-free, nut-free, taste-free cupcakes for a party I’m not even […]
The Great Wall of Jo: How I Mistook a Moat for a Boundary
I was convinced I’d mastered the art of the graceful “no.” In my head, I was a serene, self-possessed woman who could decline an invitation with the gentle firmness of a librarian during story hour. I’d read the books. I’d pinned the pastel Instagram quotes. I was ready to protect my energy, honor my time, […]